The Seven Lies Competition Sold Me
(And the truth that set me free)
1️⃣ Others are against me. When I played one-on-one basketball growing up, each person I played with was a threat. Yet, in real life, more people are for me than against me. Even other coaches, other authors, and other speakers – people considered “competitors” – have been the most helpful, supportive people in my journey.
2️⃣ Others shortcomings are my gains. Back to those one-on-one games, every mistake by the person I was playing with was an opportunity to exploit them. With time, I began seeing my advantages with each mistake they made. If they turned the ball over, if they missed a shot, if they incorrectly anticipated my move, it was a positive for me. Sadly, in areas outside of competition, I found myself happy and boosted with confidence in the middle of the shortcomings of others. Unfortunate and disheartening. The truth: Encouraging others to overcome their shortcoming is more powerful than rejoicing over the problems of others.
3️⃣ My gains are shortcomings for others. This is the other side of the last lie. If I rejoiced when others failed, others must mourn when I succeed. Wrong. People all along the way have been happy and excited for my success. Certain people even seem to be more happy than I am about seeing my victories! They’ve taught me how to be happy for the success of others.
4️⃣ A secure identity is being ahead of others. Talking and interacting with high-end professionals, others have affirmed that this is common. However, in almost every setting of life, there are other people ahead of you. Even when you get ahead of some group of others, you soon discover there are yet another group of successful people beyond your new “higher” status. True security and an unshakeable identity is not found in the “favorable comparison on the scoreboard” but in being aligned with my Divine Designer. What God believes about me is enough even if I never reach a number one spot in any category.
5️⃣ Being ahead means being supreme. Winning against lesser competition isn’t supreme. Playing basketball in elementary school, middle school, and high school, I learned quickly that being the best in the prior level didn’t translate to being the best at the present level. My prior “superiority” may have been more of an indicator of how low the level of excellence was before. As my ex-boss Camille said: “You might simply be the top of the bottom.” Growth is supreme. If I seem to be ahead of others, okay, but I won’t let that stop the focus on improvement.
6️⃣ Winning at all costs is best. People easily (and foolishly) bring this attitude into their marriages. Every argument they behave like the have to win at all costs. If they make their spouse look dumb, feel dumb, and disrespected, it’s justified. I used to do this in relationships; my connection with people suffered. Now, I know winning can mean losing. In marriage, if I win the argument, the relationship loses. And relationship is the most beautiful, important part of life. Relationships trump winning. I want my relationships to win more than I want to win individually.
7️⃣ Competition is better than collaboration. Now than ever, I see the power in partnerships. “We” can do more than “me”. What I can do individually will never measure the heights and depths of what we can do collectively. Collaboration is better than competition.
I still enjoy competing. It’s no longer the main thing. I know now where it’s best for competition to end and for collaboration to begin.