When people get married, the day passes with a flash. Countless couples have confirmed that the day zoomed by with many details missed. Even with the wedding ceremony, people consistently share that they do not remember a word that the officiant said!
As I reflect on our wedding ceremony from June 9th of 2013, I remember what our officiant said! (Thank you to our dear friend, Nick Kirby!) Well, I remember one concept shared: the keyword principle. Lita and I did not engage in a lot of texting during the boyfriend/girlfriend phase, nor in the engagement phase of our relationship. Hoping to enhance our voice-to-voice time when we did talk, we simply sent each other keywords via text message that would remind us about various topics to discuss.
For example: If I wanted to describe in detail about a potential promotion at work, I would text her: “Keyword promotion”. If she wanted to share about a discount she received at the New Balance store, she would text me: “Keyword new balance.” If I wanted to plan a date to go dancing for the weekend, I would text her: “Keyword dancing date.” All in all, it’s a pretty simple system. As we shared this with our friends, it became associated with us. Our wedding officiant cleverly weaved this “keyword” quirk of ours into the message for the ceremony.
One of my closest friends, Hakim Elamin, and I were the first among all my friends to use this in our interactions. Just this past Sunday, he texted me a keyword! If my memory serves me right, we have been using the keyword system for ten years!
Shortly after our wedding, one of my friends who was present at the wedding told me that the keyword system failed him and his wife. According to him, she texted him a keyword that ultimately concerned something he did that upset her. The whole day long he was thinking of the keyword his wife had texted him, knowing there was not a pleasant conversation coming. He told me they cancelled keyword texting in their relationship. “You’re doing it wrong!” I told him. “We only use keywords for upbeat information, comical observations, and life sharing. We have strictly outlawed all forms of ‘we need to talk’ language.”
Later, I read in a relationship book the value of keeping secrets to share with your significant other first. Typically, if there is exciting news in someone’s life, the first few times the news is shared has the most energy. Why not keep the most energy for the most influential person in your life – your spouse?
Below are a few questions to help you implement this principle in your relationships:
How do you feel when someone tells you that you are the very first person to hear certain uplifting news from their life? How do you feel when someone tells you that you are the only one to know some important details of their life?
Who is the number one person that you want to cultivate closeness with in your circle?
What can you do to jog your memory of news that takes place with you and around you to share with others? (File on your phone, messaging system, a mini-notebook etc.)
On the receiving end of this principle, how can you display graciousness to those who save secrets for you, making you the first or only exclusive person to know certain news? Expressing gratitude and praise for someone trusting you and saving moments for you is huge! Never take this for granted.
How can you cultivate confidence and trust with others so they know you will not share their secret with others?